I call myself a rebel.. But most of the time when I need to be a rebel I will be the most silent person available and will be hiding somewhere.. There are so many things like this which sounds so good to be and I imagine myself to be so. I am the hero in my imaginations like a typical Bollywood hero who does the impossible. One such thing which I imagine me to be is that I am an atheist. I think that's kinda rebellious, heroic and cool (Seriously !! :)).. Not sure though!! But one thing I am sure about is that I don't believe in religions.. The name of it irritates me..
Ok.. This is how it goes! I was brought up in a small village. When I was small I used to go to temples once in a year for festival. There will be colorful balloons, some food items that drew my attention and evening there will be some programs. But I was not so close to God that time .I was told,when you go to temple just fold your hands together and say take care of me. Not sure how much of me believed that God is hearing my prayer . Then we moved to a new place where my house and the temple had the same compound wall. From that time onwards I used to go to temple everyday and pray. For not getting any punishment from school, more prayers on the day which I get my test results and for changing the mind of my mom so that she will sign the progress report for me and so on. And it continued..
The only thing which I felt was different in me was that I believed that there is only one religion that is humanity and two castes that is male and female. Thanks to my older sisters!! I used to listen their conversations with their friends and they used to make such serious statements. I simply loved it (imagine even when I was too little).!! I had friends who were younger to me and I was their caretaker plus role model for them. I used to make the same speech to them too.. But the fact is that no matter how silly it sounds these thoughts got sealed on to my head.
That being said, when I was growing up to a teenager I used to talk to the goddess who was in the neighbor hood temple. I thought she loved me only. I used to pray to her all my needs. Even when my sister got a proposal . I liked the guy by seeing the picture. I prayed hard for her to get married to him only (and yeah it happened!!). So then I was thinking myself to be the best friend of the goddess. I am scared of dogs (I have dogophobia..Daarnnn! I don't know the real name of that disease , I will just call it dogophobia !!) ..And whenever I used to see a dog near me I will tell some hymns so that the dog will not come in my way and to change its route. Believe me every time I prayed the dogs changed their ways :) Lol!!
Slowly slowly, I started thinking is God really there, is god there to fulfill all which I ask for??
I was confused because some things which I asked for was not being done and its happening by its own(For eg: flying cockroaches I am scared of flying cockroaches,thanks to my sisters again, they only created this cockroach phobia in me ). I will be sad for sometime but later I will forget. Slowly I stopped asking for God's favor except for exam results and dogs coming on my way!! I slowly stopped going to temples in spite of my mom yelling at me for not visiting. I started thinking why I really need to go to temple, is it because I am really scared of God or is it because I need to get something in favor?
[ To be continued...]
Ok.. This is how it goes! I was brought up in a small village. When I was small I used to go to temples once in a year for festival. There will be colorful balloons, some food items that drew my attention and evening there will be some programs. But I was not so close to God that time .I was told,when you go to temple just fold your hands together and say take care of me. Not sure how much of me believed that God is hearing my prayer . Then we moved to a new place where my house and the temple had the same compound wall. From that time onwards I used to go to temple everyday and pray. For not getting any punishment from school, more prayers on the day which I get my test results and for changing the mind of my mom so that she will sign the progress report for me and so on. And it continued..
The only thing which I felt was different in me was that I believed that there is only one religion that is humanity and two castes that is male and female. Thanks to my older sisters!! I used to listen their conversations with their friends and they used to make such serious statements. I simply loved it (imagine even when I was too little).!! I had friends who were younger to me and I was their caretaker plus role model for them. I used to make the same speech to them too.. But the fact is that no matter how silly it sounds these thoughts got sealed on to my head.
That being said, when I was growing up to a teenager I used to talk to the goddess who was in the neighbor hood temple. I thought she loved me only. I used to pray to her all my needs. Even when my sister got a proposal . I liked the guy by seeing the picture. I prayed hard for her to get married to him only (and yeah it happened!!). So then I was thinking myself to be the best friend of the goddess. I am scared of dogs (I have dogophobia..Daarnnn! I don't know the real name of that disease , I will just call it dogophobia !!) ..And whenever I used to see a dog near me I will tell some hymns so that the dog will not come in my way and to change its route. Believe me every time I prayed the dogs changed their ways :) Lol!!
Slowly slowly, I started thinking is God really there, is god there to fulfill all which I ask for??
I was confused because some things which I asked for was not being done and its happening by its own(For eg: flying cockroaches I am scared of flying cockroaches,thanks to my sisters again, they only created this cockroach phobia in me ). I will be sad for sometime but later I will forget. Slowly I stopped asking for God's favor except for exam results and dogs coming on my way!! I slowly stopped going to temples in spite of my mom yelling at me for not visiting. I started thinking why I really need to go to temple, is it because I am really scared of God or is it because I need to get something in favor?
[ To be continued...]
